Monday, December 22, 2008

UK Bed sizes

Single Bed
36" x 75"

Double Bed
54" x 75"

King Bed
60" x 78"

Super King Bed
72" x 78"

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Saturday, December 13, 2008

My favourite 1970s children's TV

Multi Coloured Swap shop
Grape ape
Bat fink
Captain Pugwash
Dastardly and Mutley
Emu's Broadcasting Company
Hong Kong Phooey
Inch High Private Eye
The Wombles
Scooby Doo
Roobarb and Custard
Wacky Racers
Catch the Pigeon
Stig of the dump
Screen Test
Rent a ghost
The magic roundabout
Ask Aspel
Animal magic
Banana Splits
Mr Benn

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Pure gold

A gramme of gold can be beaten into a sheet of one square meter.
Gold leaf can be beaten thin enough to become translucent.
Gold is a good conductor of heat and electricity.
Gold is not affected by air.
Gold, caesium and copper are the only elemental metals with a natural color other than gray or white.
Heat, moisture, oxygen, and most corrosive agents have very little chemical effect on gold.
Pure gold is non-toxic when ingested.
Gold is approved as a food additive in the EU.

Pig facts

Both boars and sows have two rows of nipples.
Pigs were domesticated around 7,000 BC.
They were the first animals to ever be used domestically.
A domesticated pig has approximately 15,000 taste buds.
Pigs do not sweat.
The largest pig that has ever been recorded weighed 2,552 pounds was 5 feet high and 9 feet long.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Top 12 most expensive paintings

No. 5, 1948
Jackson Pollock

Woman III
Willem de Kooning

Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I
Gustav Klimt

Portrait of Dr. Gachet
Vincent van Gogh

Bal au moulin de la Galette, Montmartre
Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Garçon à la pipe
Pablo Picasso

Vincent van Gogh

Dora Maar au Chat
Pablo Picasso

Portrait de l'artiste sans barbe
Vincent van Gogh

Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer II
Gustav Klimt

Massacre of the Innocents
Peter Paul Rubens

Francis Bacon

Top daft looking animals

  1. Giraffe
  2. Zebra
  3. Camel
  4. Kangaroo
  5. Emu

The rest don't look that daft really.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Friday, December 5, 2008

Objects first popularised by animals

cat ladder
doggy bag
snake belt
wolf whistle
monkey bars
pig bag
monkey boots
caterpillar tracks
dog sled
rat run
pelican crossing
hamster wheel
zebra crossing
donkey jacket
fraggle rock

List of Lists

Friedrich List- German economist
Guido von List- Austrian Armanist
Maximilian List- SS officer and Commandant of Lager Sylt, a labour camp on Alderney.
Siegmund Wilhelm List- WWII German field marshal

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Animal magic

Biggest horse, Samson, 1850, 21 and 1/2 hands, 3360lb
Longest dog ears, Tigger, a bloodhound, September 29, 2004, 34.9 cm.
Highest jump by a pig, Kotetsu, a pot-bellied pig, 22 August 2004, 70 cm.
Fastest time a dog has unwound a non-electric car window, Striker, a border collie, September 2004, 11.34 seconds.

List of Orange Fruit

Some grapefruits
Mangos can also be a bit orange sometimes

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Snail facts

Snails have the most teeth of any animal.
Snails have one foot which ripples and moves the snail forwards.
Snails have two pairs of tentacles on their head.
The longest pair has the snail's eyes at the end.
The shortest pair are used for smelling and feeling.
The Giant African snail can measure up to 15 inches in length and weigh 2lb.
Snails make safe pets and will not savage your baby, even though they have thousands of teeth.
Snails taste awful.

List of Welsh whisky brands - all of them


Honey making insects

Obviously bees make honey, but it is also made by:

  • Some ants in South America, Texas and new Mexico.
  • Some wasps.
  • Ethiopian honey-mosquitos which make a honey called tazma.
  • American and Australian stingless bees called trigona and melipona.

Endangered tree species

Abies guatemalensis var. jaliscana Fir tree Mexico VU - Vulnerable
Acacia montis-usti Brandberg acacia Namibia LR - Lower risk
Agathis microstachya Bull kauri Australia LR - Lower risk
Alnus acuminata Aliso Peru LR - Lower Risk
Araucaria araucana Araucaraia, pehuen Chile VU - Vulnerable
Araucaria hunsteinii Klinki pine New Guinea LR - Lower risk
Arbutus xalapensis Madroño Mexico LR - Lower Risk
Athrotaxis cupressoides Pencil pine Australia LR - Lower risk
Athrotaxis selaginoides King Billy pine Australia VU - Vulnerable
Bactris coloniata Uvito palm Panama VU - Vulnerable
Bombacopsis quinata Pochote tree Costa Rica VU - Vulnerable
Bursera malacophylla Palo santo tree Ecuador VU - Vulnerable
Cavanillesia platanifolia Cuipo tree Panama LR - Lower risk
Cecropia obtusifolia Cecropia tree Costa Rica LR - Lower risk
Couroupita guianensis Cannonball tree India LR - Lower risk
Cryosophila guagara Guagara palm Costa Rica LR - Lower risk
Dipterocarpus sublamellatus Keruing Indonesia EN - Endangered
Dracaena draco Dragon tree Spain VU - Vulnerable
Fitzroya cupressoides Alerce tree Chile EN - Endangered
Hildegardia populifolia n/a India CR - Critically endangered
Juniperus cedrus Canary Island juniper Spain VU - Vulnerable
Juniperus jaliscana Juniper Mexico EN - Endangered
Koompassia excelsa n/a Indonesia LR - Lower risk
Ocotea foetens Tilo Spain LR - Lower risk
Pinus culminicola Decumbent pine Mexico EN - Endangered
Pinus jaliscana Pine tree Mexico LR - Lower Risk
Pinus nelsonii Pine tree Mexico VU - Vulnerable
Pinus pinceana Pine tree Mexico LR - Lower Risk
Pleiomeris canariensis Delfino Spain VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis incana Queuña Peru VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis lanuginosa Qunio colorado tree Ecuador VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis microphylla
Peru VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis pauta
Peru VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis pepei Quewiña Peru VU - Vulnerable
Pterocarpus angolensis Kiaat tree Namibia LR - Lower risk
Quercus hintonii Oak tree Mexico CR - Critically endangered
Rhopalostylis sapida Nikau palm N. Zealand LR - Lower risk
Scalesia microcephala Lechose tree Ecuador EN- Endangered
Sequoia sempervirens Redwood tree USA LR - Lower risk
Sequoiadendron giganteum Giant sequoia USA VU - Vulnerable
Shorea balangeran Kawi Indonesia CR - Critically endangered
Washingtonia filifera California fan palm USA LR - Lower risk

FA cup final replays

1874–75 Royal Engineers 2–0 Old Etonians
1875–76 Wanderers 3–0 Old Etonians
1885–86 Blackburn Rovers 2–0 West Bromwich Albion
1900–01 Tottenham Hotspur 3–1 Sheffield United
1901–02 Sheffield United 2–1 Southampton
1909–10 Newcastle United 2–0 Barnsley
1910–11 Bradford City 1–0 Newcastle United
1911–12 Barnsley 1–0 West Bromwich Albion
1969–70 Chelsea 2–1 Leeds United
1980–81 Tottenham Hotspur 3–2 Manchester City
1981–82 Tottenham Hotspur 1–0 Queens Park Rangers
1982–83 Manchester United 4–0 Brighton & Hove Albion
1989–90 Manchester United 1–0 Crystal Palace
1992–93 Arsenal 2–1 Sheffield Wednesday

England fooball managers

Sir Walter Winterbottom 1946 - 1962
Sir Alf Ramsey 1963 - 1974
Joe Mercer 1974
Don Revie 1974 - 1977
Ron Greenwood 1977 - 1982
Sir Bobby Robson 1982 - 1990
Graham Taylor 1990 - 1993
Terry Venables 1994 - 1996
Glenn Hoddle 1996 - 1999
Kevin Keegan 1999 - 2000
Sven-Göran Eriksson 2001 - 2006
Steve McClaren 2006 - 2007
Fabio Capello 2008 - Current

Before 1946 the team was chosen by a board of selectors.
Excludes caretaker managers Peter Taylor and Howard Wilkinson, and quite right too.
Fabio Capello has the best record of wins, 80%. However he has only been in charge for 10 games.
After Capello, the best record is held by Alf Ramsey, 61.1% followed, surprisingly by Glenn Hoddle who won 60.7%. Ericson won 59.7%. So it seems that the best England can expect is to win about 60% of their matches.
Naturally, Kevin Keegan has the worst record, he won just, 38.9%.
Venables takes the record for hardest manager to beat, he has the lowest percentage of defeats, just 4.4%.
Steve McClaren is remembered as a clown but his record shows he won 50% of matches. What lets him down is that on average he lost the most games, 28%.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Origins of the names for the days of the week

Roman: Dies Saturni, Day of Saturn

Roman: Dies Solis, Day of the Sun

Roman: Dies Lunae, Day of the Moon

Roman: Dies Martis, Day of Mars
Norse: Tiwesdaeg 'The day of Tiw',from the Norse Tysdagr

Roman: Dies Mercurii, Day of Mercury
Norse: Wodnesdaeg 'the day of Woden' (Odin), from Norse Odinsdagr.

Roman: Dies Jovis, Day of Jupiter
Norse: Thursdaeg 'the day of Thor',from Norse Thorsdagr.

Roman: Dies Veneris, Day of Venus
Norse: Frigesdaeg 'the day of Freya',from Norse Freyjasdagr.

Monday, December 1, 2008


1 1 was a racehorse
2 2 was 1 2
1 1 1 1 race 1 day
and 2 2 1 1 2

University boat race winners

1829 Oxford
1836 Cambridge
1839 Cambridge
1840 Cambridge
1841 Cambridge
1842 Oxford
1845 Cambridge
1846 Cambridge
1849 Cambridge
1849 Oxford
1852 Oxford
1854 Oxford
1856 Cambridge
1857 Oxford
1858 Cambridge
1859 Oxford
1860 Cambridge
1861 Oxford
1862 Oxford
1863 Oxford
1864 Oxford
1865 Oxford
1866 Oxford
1867 Oxford
1868 Oxford
1869 Oxford
1870 Cambridge
1871 Cambridge
1872 Cambridge
1873 Cambridge
1874 Cambridge
1875 Oxford
1876 Cambridge
1877 Dead Heat
1878 Oxford
1879 Cambridge
1880 Oxford
1881 Oxford
1882 Oxford
1883 Oxford
1884 Cambridge
1885 Oxford
1886 Cambridge
1887 Cambridge
1888 Cambridge
1889 Cambridge
1890 Oxford
1891 Oxford
1892 Oxford
1893 Oxford
1894 Oxford
1895 Oxford
1896 Oxford
1897 Oxford
1898 Oxford
1899 Cambridge
1900 Cambridge
1901 Oxford
1902 Cambridge
1903 Cambridge
1904 Cambridge
1905 Oxford
1906 Cambridge
1907 Cambridge
1908 Cambridge
1909 Oxford
1910 Oxford
1911 Oxford
1912 Oxford
1913 Oxford
1914 Cambridge
1920 Cambridge
1921 Cambridge
1922 Cambridge
1923 Oxford
1924 Cambridge
1925 Cambridge
1926 Cambridge
1927 Cambridge
1928 Cambridge
1929 Cambridge
1930 Cambridge
1931 Cambridge
1932 Cambridge
1933 Cambridge
1934 Cambridge
1935 Cambridge
1936 Cambridge
1937 Oxford
1938 Oxford
1939 Cambridge
1946 Oxford
1947 Cambridge
1948 Cambridge
1949 Cambridge
1950 Cambridge
1951 Cambridge
1952 Oxford
1953 Cambridge
1954 Oxford
1955 Cambridge
1956 Cambridge
1957 Cambridge
1958 Cambridge
1959 Oxford
1960 Oxford
1961 Cambridge
1962 Cambridge
1963 Oxford
1964 Cambridge
1965 Oxford
1966 Oxford
1967 Oxford
1968 Cambridge
1969 Cambridge
1970 Cambridge
1971 Cambridge
1972 Cambridge
1973 Cambridge
1974 Oxford
1975 Cambridge
1976 Oxford
1977 Oxford
1978 Oxford
1979 Oxford
1980 Oxford
1981 Oxford
1982 Oxford
1983 Oxford
1984 Oxford
1985 Oxford
1986 Cambridge
1987 Oxford
1988 Oxford
1989 Oxford
1990 Oxford
1991 Oxford
1992 Oxford
1993 Cambridge
1994 Cambridge
1995 Cambridge
1996 Cambridge
1997 Cambridge
1998 Cambridge
1999 Cambridge
2000 Oxford
2001 Cambridge
2002 Oxford
2003 Oxford
2004 Cambridge
2005 Oxford
2006 Oxford
2007 Cambridge
2008 Oxford

The counties of Wales

  1. Clwyd
  2. Dyfed
  3. Gwent
  4. Gwynedd
  5. Mid Glamorgan
  6. Powys
  7. South Glamorgan
  8. West Glamorgan

The counties of Ireland


1. Dublin
2. Wicklow
3. Wexford
4. Carlow
5. Kildare
6. Meath
7. Louth
8. Monaghan
9. Cavan
10. Longford
11. Westmeath
12. Offaly
13. Laois
14. Kilkenny
15. Waterford
16. Cork
17. Kerry
18. Limerick
19. Tipperary
20. Clare
21. Galway
22. Mayo
23. Roscommon
24. Sligo
25. Leitrim
26. Donegal

Northern Ireland

1. Fermanagh
2. Tyrone
3. Londonderry1
4. Antrim
5. Down
6. Armagh

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Life's a beach

Beach hut
Beach bum
Beach house
Beach volley ball
Beach cafe
Beach ball
Beach babe
Sex on the beach
Beach barbecue
Beach Melba
Each beach bear blum

Friday, November 28, 2008


I likes it

Things you can't do

Have it both ways
Have your cake and eat it
Get blood out of a stone
Make an omelette without breaking eggs
Make a silk purse out of a sows ear
Run with the hare and hunt with the hounds
Teach an old dog new tricks
Judge a book by its cover
Shake hands with a clenched fist
Have a rainbow without rain
Fool all the people all of the time
Pick up two melons with one hand
Cheat an honest man

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Crunches ... 10 different ones

Credit crunch
Oil crunch
Climate crunch
Triple crunch (combination of the above)
Energy cruch
Abdominal crunches
Nestle Crunch
Le Crunch (England v France rugby match)
Cripple crunch (crack down on abuse of blue disks)
Raspberry ripple crunch (fictional biscuit)

Things you can jump

The gun
The shark
For joy
The queue
The broomstick
Over the moon
The tracks (if you are a train, or tram)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

English cocktail menu

Medicated Baileys Irish cream
Screaming baby
Grimsby sunrise
Morecambe bay surf
Road rage
Quick shag behind the wall
Knife fight in the pub car park
Deepfried Pernod and White Lightning

Friday, November 21, 2008

Things which are for life, not just for Christmas

Scar tissue
Being disowned
Really bad grudges

New age days of the week


Fish beginning and ending with the letter 'K'

  1. King Sized Haddock
  2. Killer Shark
  3. Kilmarnock (Plaice in Scotland)

Worst Earthquakes

23-01, 1556 China, Shanxi 830.000 8,0
26-12, 2004 Indonesia, Sumatra 283.106 9.0 Deaths from earthquake & tsunami.
27-07, 1976 China, Tangshan 255.000 7.5 Estimated death toll 655.000.
09-08, 1138 Syria, Aleppo 230.000 ?
22-05, 1927 China, Xining 200.000 7.9 Large fractures
22-12, 1856 Iran, Damghan 200.000 ?
16-12, 1920 China, Gansu 200.000 7.8 Major fractures, landslides.
23-03, 1893 Iran, Ardabil 150.000 ?
01-09, 1923 Japan, Kanto 143.000 7.9 Great Tokyo fire.
05-10, 1948 USSR - Turkmenistan 110.000 7.3
28-12, 1908 Italy, Messina 70.000 7.2 Tsunami. Estimated death 100.000
?-09, 1290 China, Chihli 100.000 ?
?-11, 1667 Caucasia, Shemakha 80.000 ?
18-11, 1727 Iran, Tabriz 77.000 ?
01-11, 1755 Portugal, Lisbon 70.000 8.7 Great tsunami.
25-12, 1932 China, Gansu 70.000 7.6
31-05, 1970 Peru 66.000 7.9 Rock slides, floods.
?- ?, 1268 Asia Minor, Silicia 60.000 ?
11-01, 1693 taly, Sicily 60.000 ?
30-05, 1935 Pakistan, Quetta 30.000 7.5 Estimated death toll 60.000
04-02, 1783 Italy, Calabria 50.000 ?
20-06, 1990 Iran 50.000 7.7 Landslides.

Items remaining on my Christmas present list with a fair chance of not being scorned, mocked or otherwise ridiculed by my wife


Items no longer appearing on my Christmas present list which were removed in anticipation of their being scorned, mocked or otherwise ridiculed etc...

Bread maker
Solar powered laptop charger
Dressing gown
Home brew kit
Wireless enabled printer
Fish tank and fish
Nose hair clippers

Best Earthquakes


May 22, 1960

Valdivia, Chile



December 26, 2004

Sumatra, Indonesia



October 16, 1737

Kamchatka, Russia



March 27, 1964

Prince William Sound, Alaska, USA



November 4, 1952

Kamchatka, Russia



January 26, 1700

Cascadia subduction zone



January 31, 1906




November 25, 1833

Sumatra, Indonesia



February 4, 1965

Rat Islands, Alaska, USA



November 1, 1755

Lisbon, Portugal



March 28, 2005

Sumatra, Indonesia



March 9, 1957

Andreanof Islands, Alaska, USA



December 16, 1920

Ningxia-Gansu, China



August 15, 1950




September 12, 2007

Sumatra, Indonesia



December 16, 1575

Valdivia, Chile


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

War is heck ... some interesting sounding wars

Civil, English
The Fronde
Peach tree
Roses, of the
Thousand days
Ear, Jenkins
Eight princes of China, of the
Three Henries, of the
Terrorism, against
6 days

There is more than one way to skin a cat ... 8 probably

With a sharp knife
With a flint
With nail clippers
Frighten it so that it jumps out of its skin
Pull hard
Gently ease it off
Dissolve it's insides somehow
With a dog

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Some Scandinavian slash Icelandic pop slash rock slash indie acts

Sigur Ros
Gus Gus
Daniel Agust
Björk Guðmundsdóttir
Peter Bjorn and John
The Knife

Great culinary disasters of the modern age

Lemon stink bombe - Prague 1956
Salmon drizzle cake- Paris 1941
Garlic sorbet - London 1983
Beetroot Melba - Turin 1973
Liquorice ice cream with balsamic vinegar, crushed sea salt and peppercorns - Newcastle 2003
Boil in a bag part-baked baguette - Madrid 1981
Line caught herrings stuffed with sherbert - Padstow 1997
Partridge feathers in a white wine sauce - Basingstoke 1903
Prawn, chocolate and mince flan - Dublin 1968
Pike with minty custard - Lisbon 1913
Sow's face with raisin and cabbage stuffing and grilled shire-horse fetlocks - Salzburg 1929
'English lasagne' made from alternating layers of pancakes, baked beans, Smash and Marmite - Wembley 2001

Monday, November 17, 2008

Top school puddings circa 1970

Semolina with a dollop of rice
Rice pudding with a dollop of jam
Jam sponge with custard
Ground rice with a dollop of jam
Spotted dick with white sauce
Chocolate sponge with mint sauce
Jam roly poly with custard
Ginger biscut with cream

Saturday, November 15, 2008

List of salmon

Atlantic salmon
Chum salmon
King salmon
Danube salmon
Lake salmon
Pink or humbacked salmon
Silver salmon
Sockeye salmon
Searunning taimen
Smoked salmon

Thursday, November 13, 2008

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

  1. Slip out the back
  2. Make a new plan
  3. Hop on the bus
  4. Drop off the key
5-50. Unspecified

Names created using random horse name generator

  1. Zealous drizzle
  2. Daughter of the Woman
  3. Knee high rust
  4. Borderline hero
  5. Moonstone maverick
  6. Spunky fury
  7. Dance for Romance
  8. Mighty sparrow
  9. Belly dancing tangerine
  10. Born for lace
  11. Hoof stun
  12. Legal trampoline
  13. Peanut butter sniper
  14. Sacred cat
  15. Freak plum

Supplement to list of non-SI units

.. .. as opposed to what, an unarmoured Chinese tank?

And what particular model of Chinese armoured tank cos you know the new type 99 weighs 51 tonnes which is a lot more than 37 tonnes.

Maybe they mean the old type 59 which weighed 36 tonnes, possibly 37 with crew and ammunition, but they stopped making those in 1980.

If you are going to use the Chinese armoured tank to illustrate the weight of a lot of potatoes you better make damn sure you know what you're talking about and keep up to date. Don't mess with the Chinese army. One needs to employ constant vigilance to keep up with the fast moving world of Chinese armoured tank technology and whenever they bring a new one out you must go and weigh it and then revise all of your publications in which you have used the Chinese armoured tank as a non-SI unit. These things go out of date so quickly.

This whole idea of expressing the mass of a bunch of spuds in tems of Chinese armoured tanks is fraught with danger. Couldn't they just use tonnes or something?

How big is a hectare anyway, compared to, say, the wingspan of a Russian Ilyushin-76 bomber?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Artificial light sources

Light bulb
Tungsten halogen
High pressure sodium
Low pressure sodium
Metal halide
Hydrargyrum quartz iodide
Glow worm's arse

Discredited theories

Free trade
Flat earth
Hollow earth

Most Popular Pub Names

  1. Crown (704)
  2. Red Lion (668)
  3. Royal Oak (541)
  4. Swan (451)
  5. White Hart (431)
  6. Railway (420)
  7. Plough (413)
  8. White Horse (379)
  9. Bell (378)
  10. New Inn (372)

Monday, November 10, 2008

48 birds - genuine

  1. Great tit
  2. Blue tit
  3. Coal tit
  4. Crested tit
  5. Long tailed tit
  6. Marsh tit
  7. Willow tit
  8. Sombre tit
  9. Caspian tit
  10. Songar tit
  11. White-browed tit
  12. Pere David's tit
  13. Siberian tit
  14. Black breasted tit
  15. Rufous vented tit
  16. Spot winged tit
  17. Yellow bellied tit
  18. Elegant tit
  19. Palawan tit
  20. Grey crested tit
  21. White shouldered tit
  22. White winged black tit
  23. White backed tit
  24. Dusky tit
  25. Rufous bellied tit
  26. Cinnamon breasted tit
  27. Red throated tit
  28. Stripe breasted tit
  29. Acacia tit
  30. Miombo tit
  31. Ashy tit
  32. Southern grey tit
  33. Japanese tit
  34. Turkestan tit
  35. Green backed tit
  36. White winged tit
  37. Black lored tit
  38. Yellow cheeked tit
  39. Yellow tit
  40. White fronted tit
  41. Hume's ground tit
  42. Canary blue tit
  43. Azure tit
  44. Yellow breasted tit
  45. Varied tit
  46. Yellow browed tit
  47. Sultan tit
  48. Shag

Humorous Engineering Words

  • Flange
  • Shaft
  • Diaphragm
  • Ball cock
  • Clappered inlet valve
  • Wiggler
  • Clunge spinner
  • O-Ring
  • Bell
  • Grease nipple
  • Discharge
  • Orifice plate
  • Todge noggler

Friday, November 7, 2008

20 things that grow over the years

  1. debt
  2. alcohol intake
  3. depression
  4. tie knots
  5. cardigan collection
  6. leaning towards Tories
  7. number of enemies
  8. heating bills
  9. ownership of jig saw puzzles
  10. number of useless household gatgets
  11. garden weeds
  12. repulsiveness to opposite gender
  13. regrets
  14. CD collection
  15. fear
  16. waistbands
  17. collection of odd socks
  18. ears
  19. noses
  20. other unmentionable extremities

Things That Definitely Get Smaller Over The Years

  • Wagon Wheels
  • Mars Bars
  • Poppies
  • Polar Ice Caps
  • Mobile Phones
  • Brains
  • Rainforests
  • Playground Apparatus
  • Skirts
  • Presents
  • Days
  • Grandma

Real Tie Knots

Four in hand
Half Windsor
Shell knot
Double knot
Double cross knot
Bow tie knot

Pork cuts

Pork Shoulder Arm Picnic

Pork Shoulder Arm Roast

Pork Shoulder Arm Steak

Pork Shoulder Blade (Boston) Roast

Pork Shoulder Blade Steak

Pork Cubes for Kebabs

Pork Hocks

Pork Loin Blade Roast

Pork Loin Blade Chops

Pork Loin Country-Style Ribs

Pork Loin Back Ribs

Pork Loin Center Rib Roast

Pork Loin Rib Chops (Center Cut Chops)

Pork Loin Center Loin Roast

Pork Loin Top Loin Chops

Pork Loin Butterfly Chops

Pork Loin Top Loin Roast Boneless (Double)

Pork Loin Chops

Pork Loin Sirloin Roast

Pork Loin Sirloin Chops

Pork Loin Sirloin Cutlets

Pork Loin Tenderloin Whole

Pork Spareribs

Fresh Side Pork

Pork Leg (Fresh Ham) Whole

Pork Leg (Fresh Ham) Shank Portion

Smoked Pork Shoulder Picnic Whole

Smoked Pork Shoulder Roll

Smoked Pork Hocks

Smoked Pork Loin Canadian-Style Bacon

Smoked Pork Loin Rib Chops

Smoked Pork Loin Chops

Smoked Ham Whole

Smoked Ham Shank Portion

Smoked Ham Rump Portion

Smoked Ham Center Slice

Slab Bacon

Sliced Bacon

Brick nomenclature

half or bat
three-quarter closure
quarter closure
queen closure

Thursday, November 6, 2008

20 Little known tie knots

  1. Extended tickler
  2. Soup dipper
  3. Fishnet
  4. Double decker
  5. Twister
  6. Tweed strangler
  7. Trout
  8. Half Wilson
  9. Knitted
  10. Inverted bootlace
  11. Medium
  12. Slough
  13. Strap-on
  14. Toilet roll
  15. Fancy Dan
  16. Nostril cleaner
  17. Disposable
  18. Marginal
  19. Hangman's noose
  20. Temporary

To Do

  1. Pay phone bill
  2. Wash up
  3. Make bed
  4. Fill car with petrol
  5. Buy bread
  6. Tollerate children
  7. Exercise
  8. Make toast
  9. Upgrade memory on pc
  10. Check email
  11. Ironing
  12. Watch Sky Sports News for a bit
  13. Feed the birds
  14. Watch TV
  15. Call Mother
  16. On-line shopping
  17. Clean cat's dinner bowl
  18. Sigh
  19. Walk around the block
  20. Buy wine
  21. Drink wine
  22. Ponder
  23. Buy more wine
  24. Drink more wine
  25. Get a life

Top Ten Basic Boys Toys (in ascending numerical order)

  1. Football
  2. Penknife
  3. Catapult
  4. Stick
  5. Stone
  6. Piece of string with a sharp edge
  7. Matches
  8. Marbles
  9. Conker
  10. Spider
  11. Ants
  12. Dirt

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


  1. Sparkler
  2. Catherine wheel
  3. Rocket
  4. Roman candle
  5. Banger
  6. reloadable aerial shells
  7. single-shot aerial tubes
  8. ground spinners
  9. pinwheels
  10. cake
  11. crackers
  12. mine
  13. black snake
  14. Tom Thums (South Africa)
  15. Three pronged attack
  16. Black widow (waterproof!)
  17. Supernova
  18. helicopters
  19. hot kebab
  20. green gob
  21. Golden shower
  22. Blue baboon
  23. Geordie trumpet

14 Trousers

  1. Long
  2. Short
  3. Baggy
  4. Jeans
  5. Chinos
  6. Oxford bags
  7. Breeches
  8. Lederhosen
  9. Tracht
  10. Combat
  11. Cycling shorts
  12. Umanori hakama
  13. The Wrong
  14. Exploding

Top Hats

  • Top Hat
  • Bowler Hat
  • Trilby Hat
  • Stetson
  • Panama Hat
  • Sombrero
  • Australian Hat with Corks on
  • Old Hat
  • Woolly Hat
  • Bucket Hat
  • Muskrat

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Top 10 Sandwich fillings

  1. Coronation Chicken
  2. Tuna Mayo
  3. Chips
  4. Jam
  5. Cheese & Pickle
  6. Sausage
  7. Chorizo, Cheese & Mayo
  8. BLT
  9. BL
  10. B

Monday, October 27, 2008

Top Ten Cakes

  1. Battenburg
  2. Victoria Sponge
  3. Crumble
  4. Chocolate based cakes
  5. Carrot cake
  6. Cheesecake (Must have biscuit base) (double points for fruit topping)
  7. Black forest gateux
  8. Spotted dick (easy on the spots)
  9. Pancake
  10. Fruit Cake

Friday, October 24, 2008

iPod, iShuffle, iTunes, iPhone .. what next for apple?

iShades (not a bad iDea)

What have they all got in common?

Stilian Petrov
Aston Villa

Anthony Gardner

David Murphy

Steven Taylor

Luke Moore
Aston Villa

Zatyiah Knight
Aston Villa

Ben Hutchinson

Joey Barton

Dickson Etuhu

Bobby Zamora
West Ham

Abou Diaby

Dwight Yorke

Stern John

Ashley Cole

Javier Mascherano

Steve Howard

Rade Prica

Giles Barnes

Phil Jagielka

Joseph Yobo

Brett Emerton

Fabio Aurelio

Emre Belözoglu

Nedum Onuoha
Manchester City

Lee Carsley

Dean Whitehead

Nemanja Vidic
Manchester United

Abdoulaye Diagne-Faye

Leroy Lita

Carlos Bocanegra


Anthony Stokes

Liam Ridgewell

Victor Anichebe

George Boateng

Marlon King

Kelvin Etuhu
Manchester City

David Dunn

Noe Pamarot

Gilberto Silva

Claudio Cacapa

Marek Matejovsky

Ivan Campo

Lewin Nyatanga

Andy Reid

Scott Parker
West Ham

Lee Cattermole

Wilfred Bouma
Aston Villa

Gavin McCann

Kalifa Ciss

Liam Miller

Ji-Sung Park
Manchester United

Glen Johnson

Fabio Rochemback

Daniel Omoya Braaten

Freddie Sears
West Ham

Habib Beye

Robert Huth

Danny Collins

Jonathan Woodgate

Chris Riggott

Hameur Bouazza

Sami HyypiÃ

Mikel Arteta

Sol Campbell

Jamie O'Hara

Luke Young

Kevin Kilbane

Jason Koumas

Michael Dawson

Alan Stubbs

Curtis Davies
Aston Villa

David Jones

Bacary Sagna

Tyrone Mears

Mohamed Lamine Sissoko

Paul Scholes
Manchester United

Adam Johnson

Gary Speed

John Terry

George McCartney
West Ham

Daniel Sturridge
Manchester City

Ricardo Carvalho

Lassana Diarra

Robert Earnshaw

Matthew Upson
West Ham

Tamir Cohen

Stephen Warnock

Wes Brown
Manchester United

James Vaughan

Andy Todd


  1. Birthday
  2. Pancake Day
  3. Christmas Day
  4. Holiday
  5. Independance Day (the film)
  6. Saturday
  7. Friday
  8. Mid-Day
  9. National speak like a pirate day
  10. Joke of the day
  11. Darren Day
  12. Faraday
  13. Wackaday

The Brown Foods Group

Nutritionists advise us to have a balanced diet, to avoid too much of one thing. A handy rule of thumb is to eat 5 fruits a day, 5 types of pudding and 5 brown foods a day. Stick to a packet of winegums, a whole battenburg cake and 5 or more of the following brown foods every day and you'll be fine:

Sausage rolls
Potatoes in all their various forms, including Smash
Cake (Don't worry, a brown pudding does not count twice)
Peanut butter
Meat - all forms
Tea cakes

Note: brown vegetables (parsnips, turnips, swede) are technically not part of the brown foods group, they are officially classified as sort of yellowish.

17 things to do before you die

  1. feel unwell
  2. feel worse
  3. feel really really bad
  4. suffer searing pain in chest
  5. clutch heart
  6. heart stops
  7. panic
  8. take terminal breath
  9. evacuate bowels
  10. brain starts to die
  11. see welcoming white light
  12. see self as if floating above
  13. smile blissfully
  14. brain dies
  15. welcoming white light fades to black
  16. experience immense disappointment
  17. not smiling any more

Top Ten Playground Games

  1. Conkers
  2. Bulldog
  3. Marbles
  4. Football (with a tennis ball)
  5. Tag
  6. Pogs
  7. Stuck in the Mud
  8. Hopskotch
  9. Skidding
  10. Army

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Pimp my..

archimedes screw
herb garden
illuminated manuscript

Truth and Lies

  1. You are my honey, honeysuckle.
  2. I am the bee.
  3. I am the egg man.
  4. I shot the sherrif.
  5. I did not shoot no deputy.
  6. I come from a land down under.
  7. I love the sound of breaking glass.
  8. There are two men in my life.
  9. Baby I was born to run.
  10. Girls just wanna have fun.
  11. She loves you
  12. I got you (I feel good)
  13. You can't always get what you want.

Only 5 and 13 are true

List of days on which I will not be posting any lists due to holiday

25th October 2008
26th October 2008
27th October 2008
28th October 2008
29th October 2008
30th October 2008
31st October 2008
Possibly 1st November 2008 depending on what time I get back home

Failed Friendships and Reasons For Failure

Chris B - drunkenness (mine)
Brian G - lost touch
Steve G - apathy
Al - holiday
Jon - uninvited sexual advances
Frazer - avoidance (his)
Graham - apathy
Bren - apathy
Pal - avoidance (mine)
Chris S - apathy
Alan M - apathy
B - unreconcilable musical differences
Lee - apathy

Top Ten Garden Tools

  1. Chainsaw
  2. Axe
  3. Strimmer
  4. Hoe
  5. Rake
  6. Lawnmower
  7. Fork
  8. Spade
  9. Shovel
  10. Shears
  11. Trowel

Musical Instruments I Don't Play Anymore and the Reasons Why I Don't Play Them Anymore

Piano - too hard
Mouth Organ - too small
Penny whistle - too fiddly
Cello - too big
Tambourine - too gay
Keyboard - too many fun noises
Bottle xylophone - evaporation
Trumpet - at neighbour's request
Electric guitar - at wife's request
Trombone - burst lung

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Top Ten Excuses

  1. Dog ate it
  2. Alarm didn't go off
  3. Leaves on the track
  4. Stuck in traffic
  5. Credit crunch
  6. Snowed in
  7. Cat was sick on it
  8. Family Problems
  9. Womens problems(Beyond the scope of this blog)
  10. Incontinence

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Cool Vid - not a list


World's Best Mug Slogans

World's best Mum
World's best Dad
World's best Brother
World's best Sister
World's best Grandmother
World's best Grandfather
World's best Step Brother
World's best Dad's New Partner
World's best 'Uncle'
World's best Mum's Current Boyfriend
World's best Fosterparent
World's best Social Worker
World's best Arresting Officer
World's best Defence Lawyer
World's best Prison Visitor
World's best Probation Officer

Non SI Units - Supplement

There is of course a tendency in the media to describe large areas in terms of Belgium or Wales as in, 'An area half the size of Belgium is deforested each year', or 'An area the size of Wales was recently under water in last week's floods in err Wales.'

Top Ten Non-SI Units

  1. Double Decker Buses
  2. Eiffel Towers
  3. Empire State Buildings
  4. Football pitches (real football)
  5. Blue whales
  6. Times round The Earth
  7. Olympic swimming pools
  8. The Sun
  9. Distance to the moon
  10. Domestic light bulbs

Monday, October 20, 2008


File ref Artist Album
89 AfroCelt Sound System Further In time
326 albinoni adagio
A19 Amiina Kurr
145 anthology of english folk cd1
147 anthology of english folk cd2
A9 Arcade fire Neon Bible
281 armstrong gibbs dale and fell
307 armstrong gibbs songs
260 athlete beautiful (single)
35 Athlete Tourist
57 Athlete Vehicles and Animals
12 Athlete Vehicles and Animals DVD
217 athlete you got the style
233 baby bird ugly beautiful
317 bach brandenberg concertos
207 Badly Drawn Boy have you fed the fish?
123 Badly Drawn Boy Once Around The Block (Single)
365 bat for lashes fur and gold
255 beck odelay
168 bessy smith the essential cd1
169 bessy smith the essential cd2
338 billie holliday lady in satin
336 billie holliday lover man
239 bix beiderbecke collection
A5 Bizet Carmen
5 Bjork Debut
25 Bjork Homogenic
39 Bjork Medulla
285 Bjork post
A35 Bjork Volta
183 blue one love
244 blur country house (single)
27 Blur Leisure
265 blur parklife
37 Blur The Great Escape
273 blur think tank
323 britten st nicholas
387 Britten Turn of the screw
193 busted a present for everyone
209 byrd Masses for 4 and 5 voices
95 Cahornega Cahhornega
220 cd review 1992 pick of the year
373 charlotte gainsbourg 05:55
219 chill compilation chill compilation
218 christina aguilera can't hold us down
23 Coldplay A rush of blood to the head
7 Coldplay Parachutes
155 crosby / sinatra christmas
71 Dandy Warhols 13 Tales
54 Daniel Agust Swallowed A Star
a71 debussy l'oeuvre pour piano cd1
a75 debussy l'oeuvre pour piano cds 2 & 3
a73 debussy l'oeuvre pour piano cds 4 & 5
A23 Delius On hearing the first cuckoo in spring
375 devendra banhart cripple crow
349 dido life for rent
125 Die Arzte Gerausch CD1
127 Die Arzte Gerausch CD2
105 Dirty Pretty Things Waterloo to anywhere
251 dodgy free peace sweet
249 dodgy homegrown
65 Doves The Last Broadcast
316 dvorak golden spinning wheel
318 dvorak piano concerto 33
185 dvorak string serenade
225 echobelly everyones got one
173 echobelly on
241 elastica elastica
a49 elgar cello concerto, sea pictures
41 Eliza Carthy Anglicana
75 Eliza Carthy Definitive Collection
31 Eliza Carthy Rough Music
224 ella fitzgerald 30 by ella
199 ella fitzgerald gold cd1
200 ella fitzgerald gold cd2
333 ella fitzgerald gold collection cd1
334 ella fitzgerald gold collection cd2
335 ella fitzgerald jerome kern song book
182 ella fitzgerald the best of the songbooks
73 Emma Kirkby Time Stands Still
a69 emma pollack watch the fireworks
152 faure nocturnes
319 faure quartet
299 faure requiem
247 fountains of wayne welcome interstate managers
33 Franz Ferdinand Franz Ferdinand
295 garbage garbage
175 giuliani guitar concertos
21 Goldfrapp Black Cherry
121 Goldfrapp Felt Mountain
133 Goldfrapp Supernature
267 gomez liquid skin
A15 Gus Gus Forever
331 handel messiah cd1
332 handel messiah cd2
171 hans rott symphony in E maj
139 hayseed dixie a hillbilly tribute to ac dc
350 humperdinck hansel and gretel cd1
359 humperdinck hansel and gretel cd2
3 Ian Brown Music of the spheres
165 iarla o lionaird invisible fields
261 idlewild the remote part
345 idlewild warnings promises
211 jennifer lopez jenny from the block
371 joanna newsom the milk eyed mender
367 joanna newsom ys
101 John Lee Hooker Trouble Blues
A1 Josh Groban awake
43 Kaiser Chiefs Employment
272 karine polwart faultlines
163 karine polwart scribbled in chalk
93 Kasabian Empire
303 kate bush the red shoes
47 Kate Rusby 10
381 Kate Rusby Awkward Annie
49 Kate Rusby Hourglass
135 Kate Rusby Little lights
129 Kate Rusby Sleepless
51 Kate Rusby The Girl Who Couldn't Fly
59 Kate Rusby Underneath The Stars
263 keane hope and fears
353 kenna new sacred cow
A41 kent du & jag döden
A17 Kent Hagnesta Hill
A13 Kent Isola
a61 kent tillbaka till samtiden
A29 Kent Vapen and ammunition
379 Kent Verkligen
111 Kings of Leon Youth and Young Manhood
99 Kinky Friedman From One Good American to Another
293 kula shaker kula shaker
340 lalo symphonie espagnole
A45 lavender diamond imagine our love
63 Led Zeppelin III
69 Led Zeppelin IV
275 Led Zeppelin prescence
291 lightning seeds dizzy heights
223 little walter blues with a feeling
327 lloyd webber joseph
144 louis armstrong I've got rhythm
151 louis jordan jump jive
243 madonna american life
13 Mahler Symphony No. 5
357 maroon 5 songs about jane
A37 maroon 5 songs about jane
A47 maximo park a certain trigger
A21 Maximo Park Our earthly pleasures
192 mcfly room on the 3rd floor
253 mercury rev all is dream
313 mercury rev secret migration
181 michael keen Duo pastoral (recorder)
259 moby 18
245 moby play
389 mozart Marriage of Figaro
322 mozart requiem
156 mozart symphony 40 etc
154 mozart symphony 41
228 mozart symphony no. 40
a55 mozart violin concertos cd1
a57 mozart violin concertos cd2
377 nathan fake drowning in a sea of love
355 Nightmares on wax car boot soul
117 Nightmares on wax In a space Outta soul
157 NOW 44 NOW 44
191 now 53 cd1
187 now 64 cd1
188 now 64 cd2
103 Oasis Definitely maybe
102 Oasis Roll with it
A33 oklahoma sound track
124 Padraig Carroll The Irish Mandolin (Tutor CD)
339 palestrina mass
202 palestrina missa aeterna christi munera
201 palestrina missa papae marcelle
347 paolo nutini these streets
186 part arbos
341 part BACH
212 passamezzo galimaufry
342 pergolesi stabat mater
A27 Peter bjorn and john Falling out
A11 Peter bjorn and john Peter Bjorn and John
A7 Peter bjorn and john Writer's Block
77 Pink Floyd Animals
287 Pink Floyd dark side of the moon
283 Pink Floyd saucer full of secrets
79 Pink Floyd Wish You Were Here
337 porgy and bess porgy and bess
305 portishead dummy
329 pulp common people
320 purcell birthday odes for queen mary
324 purcell didp and anaeus
210 purcell olinda
179 purcell (kirkby) music for awhile
227 rachmaninov piano concerto 2 and 3
271 radiohead hail to the thief
246 radiohead just (single)
131 Radiohead Kid A
29 Radiohead Pablo Honey
1 Radiohead The bends
61 Ray Lamontagne Trouble
297 rem automatic for the people
279 rem document
215 rem green
203 rem life's rich pageant
205 rem monster
213 rem murmur
311 rem reckoning
301 rem the best of
17 Roddy Woomble My Secret Is my Silence
a59 russell watson outside in
a51 schubert ave maria - songs
143 schubert die sonne mullesien
A31 schubert lieder
363 scissor sisters scissor sisters
a63 scraping foetus off the wheel hole
a65 scraping foetus off the wheel nail
159 seal seal
369 seth lakeman freedom fields
19 Sheryl Crow C'mon, c'mon
149 show of hands country life cd
150 show of hands country life promo
55 Sigur Ros ( )
53 Sigur Ros Takk
170 simon mayor mandolin tutor
343 sinead o connor am I not your girl?
330 six pence none the richer kiss me
257 snow patrol eyes open
a67 sol seppy psssscheoow
361 sol seppy the bells of 1 2
328 sonny boy williamson 9 below 0
315 Sor Guitar favourites
235 starsailor silence is easy
158 steps steps
153 stern's african moves vol 2
325 sting dream of blu turtles
85 Stravinsky The Rite Of Spring / Firebird
189 sugarbabes angels with dirty faces
167 sugarbabes three
289 supergrass I should coco
177 supergrass in it for the money
97 Tallis Lamentations of Jeremiah
96 Tallis Spem In Alium
91 Tchaikovsky Symphony 6
a77 tchaikovsky symphony 6 + eugene oneguine
a53 tchaikovsky violin concerto
137 Tears for fears the hurting
195 the big session vol 1
113 The chillout sessions CD1
115 The chillout sessions CD2
141 the cranberries everybody else is doing it so why can't we?
383 The Fray How to save a life
119 The Killers Sam's Town
9 The Knife Deep Cuts
11 The Knife Deep Cuts DVD
83 The Knife Silent Shout
15 The Knife The Knife
351 the kooks inside out
197 the libertines the libertines
229 the police regatta de blanc
67 The Strokes Is this it
277 the thrills so much for the city
107 The very best of pure hip hop CD1
109 The very best of pure hip hop CD2
81 The White Stripes Elephant
237 the who best of
221 tracy chapman collection
269 travis the man who
45 Turin Brakes jack In a Box
87 U2 Achtung Baby
92 Various Blues Collection
190 Various christmas
385 Various (Mojo) In search of Syd
A3 Various (Previn) Klassic fur kinder
A39 Various Artist Unforgettable love songs
161 vashti bunyan just another diamond day
176 vaughan williams a sea symphony (no. 1)
A25 vaughan williams Fantasia on a theme by thomas tallis
344 verdi favourites
321 wagner various
231 walton belshazzar's feast
309 yann tiersen amelie