UK Bed sizes

Single Bed
36" x 75"

Double Bed
54" x 75"

King Bed
60" x 78"

Super King Bed
72" x 78"

Mr Greengrass Does Bluegrass

yeeehaaa!!

I Spy with my little eye some things beginning with

W
AP
R
T
PC
P
T
C
C
D
MB
W
S
C
B
IEEWR

My favourite 1970s children's TV

Multi Coloured Swap shop
Grape ape
Bat fink
Clangers
Captain Pugwash
Dastardly and Mutley
Emu's Broadcasting Company
Hong Kong Phooey
Inch High Private Eye
The Wombles
Scooby Doo
Roobarb and Custard
Flintstones
Wacky Racers
Catch the Pigeon
Stig of the dump
Screen Test
Rent a ghost
The magic roundabout
Ask Aspel
Animal magic
Banana Splits
Mr Benn

Pure gold

A gramme of gold can be beaten into a sheet of one square meter.
Gold leaf can be beaten thin enough to become translucent.
Gold is a good conductor of heat and electricity.
Gold is not affected by air.
Gold, caesium and copper are the only elemental metals with a natural color other than gray or white.
Heat, moisture, oxygen, and most corrosive agents have very little chemical effect on gold.
Pure gold is non-toxic when ingested.
Gold is approved as a food additive in the EU.

Pig facts

Both boars and sows have two rows of nipples.
Pigs were domesticated around 7,000 BC.
They were the first animals to ever be used domestically.
A domesticated pig has approximately 15,000 taste buds.
Pigs do not sweat.
The largest pig that has ever been recorded weighed 2,552 pounds was 5 feet high and 9 feet long.

Top 12 most expensive paintings

$149.7
No. 5, 1948
Jackson Pollock

$147.0
Woman III
Willem de Kooning

$144.4
Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I
Gustav Klimt

$136.1
Portrait of Dr. Gachet
Vincent van Gogh

$128.8
Bal au moulin de la Galette, Montmartre
Pierre-Auguste Renoir

$118.9
Garçon à la pipe
Pablo Picasso

$102.3
Irises
Vincent van Gogh

$101.8
Dora Maar au Chat
Pablo Picasso

$94.6
Portrait de l'artiste sans barbe
Vincent van Gogh

$94.0
Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer II
Gustav Klimt

$91.9
Massacre of the Innocents
Peter Paul Rubens

$86.3
Triptych
Francis Bacon

Top daft looking animals

1. Giraffe
2. Zebra
3. Camel
4. Kangaroo
5. Emu

The rest don't look that daft really.

They can take away our liberty but they can't take away ....

vulgar fractions

Objects first popularised by animals

cat ladder
doggy bag
snake belt
bulldozer
wolf whistle
monkey bars
pig bag
monkey boots
caterpillar tracks
dog sled
rat run
pelican crossing
hamster wheel
zebra crossing
donkey jacket
fraggle rock

List of Lists

Friedrich List- German economist
Guido von List- Austrian Armanist
Maximilian List- SS officer and Commandant of Lager Sylt, a labour camp on Alderney.
Siegmund Wilhelm List- WWII German field marshal

Animal magic

Biggest horse, Samson, 1850, 21 and 1/2 hands, 3360lb
Longest dog ears, Tigger, a bloodhound, September 29, 2004, 34.9 cm.
Highest jump by a pig, Kotetsu, a pot-bellied pig, 22 August 2004, 70 cm.
Fastest time a dog has unwound a non-electric car window, Striker, a border collie, September 2004, 11.34 seconds.

List of Orange Fruit

Orange
Satsuma
Clementine
Tangerine
Tangelo
Mandarin
Kumquat
Some grapefruits
Mangos can also be a bit orange sometimes

Snail facts

Snails have the most teeth of any animal.
Snails have one foot which ripples and moves the snail forwards.
Snails have two pairs of tentacles on their head.
The longest pair has the snail's eyes at the end.
The shortest pair are used for smelling and feeling.
The Giant African snail can measure up to 15 inches in length and weigh 2lb.
Snails make safe pets and will not savage your baby, even though they have thousands of teeth.
Snails taste awful.

List of Welsh whisky brands - all of them

Penderyn

Honey making insects

Obviously bees make honey, but it is also made by:

• Some ants in South America, Texas and new Mexico.
• Some wasps.
• Ethiopian honey-mosquitos which make a honey called tazma.
• American and Australian stingless bees called trigona and melipona.

Endangered tree species

Abies guatemalensis var. jaliscana Fir tree Mexico VU - Vulnerable
Acacia montis-usti Brandberg acacia Namibia LR - Lower risk
Agathis microstachya Bull kauri Australia LR - Lower risk
Alnus acuminata Aliso Peru LR - Lower Risk
Araucaria araucana Araucaraia, pehuen Chile VU - Vulnerable
Araucaria hunsteinii Klinki pine New Guinea LR - Lower risk
Arbutus xalapensis Madroño Mexico LR - Lower Risk
Athrotaxis cupressoides Pencil pine Australia LR - Lower risk
Athrotaxis selaginoides King Billy pine Australia VU - Vulnerable
Bactris coloniata Uvito palm Panama VU - Vulnerable
Bombacopsis quinata Pochote tree Costa Rica VU - Vulnerable
Bursera malacophylla Palo santo tree Ecuador VU - Vulnerable
Cavanillesia platanifolia Cuipo tree Panama LR - Lower risk
Cecropia obtusifolia Cecropia tree Costa Rica LR - Lower risk
Couroupita guianensis Cannonball tree India LR - Lower risk
Cryosophila guagara Guagara palm Costa Rica LR - Lower risk
Dipterocarpus sublamellatus Keruing Indonesia EN - Endangered
Dracaena draco Dragon tree Spain VU - Vulnerable
Fitzroya cupressoides Alerce tree Chile EN - Endangered
Hildegardia populifolia n/a India CR - Critically endangered
Juniperus cedrus Canary Island juniper Spain VU - Vulnerable
Juniperus jaliscana Juniper Mexico EN - Endangered
Koompassia excelsa n/a Indonesia LR - Lower risk
Ocotea foetens Tilo Spain LR - Lower risk
Pinus culminicola Decumbent pine Mexico EN - Endangered
Pinus jaliscana Pine tree Mexico LR - Lower Risk
Pinus nelsonii Pine tree Mexico VU - Vulnerable
Pinus pinceana Pine tree Mexico LR - Lower Risk
Pleiomeris canariensis Delfino Spain VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis incana Queuña Peru VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis lanuginosa Qunio colorado tree Ecuador VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis microphylla
Peru VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis pauta
Peru VU - Vulnerable
Polylepis pepei Quewiña Peru VU - Vulnerable
Pterocarpus angolensis Kiaat tree Namibia LR - Lower risk
Quercus hintonii Oak tree Mexico CR - Critically endangered
Rhopalostylis sapida Nikau palm N. Zealand LR - Lower risk
Scalesia microcephala Lechose tree Ecuador EN- Endangered
Sequoia sempervirens Redwood tree USA LR - Lower risk
Sequoiadendron giganteum Giant sequoia USA VU - Vulnerable
Shorea balangeran Kawi Indonesia CR - Critically endangered
Washingtonia filifera California fan palm USA LR - Lower risk

FA cup final replays

1874–75 Royal Engineers 2–0 Old Etonians
1875–76 Wanderers 3–0 Old Etonians
1885–86 Blackburn Rovers 2–0 West Bromwich Albion
1900–01 Tottenham Hotspur 3–1 Sheffield United
1901–02 Sheffield United 2–1 Southampton
1909–10 Newcastle United 2–0 Barnsley
1910–11 Bradford City 1–0 Newcastle United
1911–12 Barnsley 1–0 West Bromwich Albion
1969–70 Chelsea 2–1 Leeds United
1980–81 Tottenham Hotspur 3–2 Manchester City
1981–82 Tottenham Hotspur 1–0 Queens Park Rangers
1982–83 Manchester United 4–0 Brighton & Hove Albion
1989–90 Manchester United 1–0 Crystal Palace
1992–93 Arsenal 2–1 Sheffield Wednesday

England fooball managers

Sir Walter Winterbottom 1946 - 1962
Sir Alf Ramsey 1963 - 1974
Joe Mercer 1974
Don Revie 1974 - 1977
Ron Greenwood 1977 - 1982
Sir Bobby Robson 1982 - 1990
Graham Taylor 1990 - 1993
Terry Venables 1994 - 1996
Glenn Hoddle 1996 - 1999
Kevin Keegan 1999 - 2000
Sven-Göran Eriksson 2001 - 2006
Steve McClaren 2006 - 2007
Fabio Capello 2008 - Current

Before 1946 the team was chosen by a board of selectors.
Excludes caretaker managers Peter Taylor and Howard Wilkinson, and quite right too.
Fabio Capello has the best record of wins, 80%. However he has only been in charge for 10 games.
After Capello, the best record is held by Alf Ramsey, 61.1% followed, surprisingly by Glenn Hoddle who won 60.7%. Ericson won 59.7%. So it seems that the best England can expect is to win about 60% of their matches.
Naturally, Kevin Keegan has the worst record, he won just, 38.9%.
Venables takes the record for hardest manager to beat, he has the lowest percentage of defeats, just 4.4%.
Steve McClaren is remembered as a clown but his record shows he won 50% of matches. What lets him down is that on average he lost the most games, 28%.

Origins of the names for the days of the week

Saturday
Roman: Dies Saturni, Day of Saturn

Sunday
Roman: Dies Solis, Day of the Sun

Monday
Roman: Dies Lunae, Day of the Moon

Tuesday
Roman: Dies Martis, Day of Mars
Norse: Tiwesdaeg 'The day of Tiw',from the Norse Tysdagr

Wednesday
Roman: Dies Mercurii, Day of Mercury
Norse: Wodnesdaeg 'the day of Woden' (Odin), from Norse Odinsdagr.

Thursday
Roman: Dies Jovis, Day of Jupiter
Norse: Thursdaeg 'the day of Thor',from Norse Thorsdagr.

Friday
Roman: Dies Veneris, Day of Venus
Norse: Frigesdaeg 'the day of Freya',from Norse Freyjasdagr.

Horserace

1 1 was a racehorse
2 2 was 1 2
1 1 1 1 race 1 day
and 2 2 1 1 2

University boat race winners

1829 Oxford
1836 Cambridge
1839 Cambridge
1840 Cambridge
1841 Cambridge
1842 Oxford
1845 Cambridge
1846 Cambridge
1849 Cambridge
1849 Oxford
1852 Oxford
1854 Oxford
1856 Cambridge
1857 Oxford
1858 Cambridge
1859 Oxford
1860 Cambridge
1861 Oxford
1862 Oxford
1863 Oxford
1864 Oxford
1865 Oxford
1866 Oxford
1867 Oxford
1868 Oxford
1869 Oxford
1870 Cambridge
1871 Cambridge
1872 Cambridge
1873 Cambridge
1874 Cambridge
1875 Oxford
1876 Cambridge
1877 Dead Heat
1878 Oxford
1879 Cambridge
1880 Oxford
1881 Oxford
1882 Oxford
1883 Oxford
1884 Cambridge
1885 Oxford
1886 Cambridge
1887 Cambridge
1888 Cambridge
1889 Cambridge
1890 Oxford
1891 Oxford
1892 Oxford
1893 Oxford
1894 Oxford
1895 Oxford
1896 Oxford
1897 Oxford
1898 Oxford
1899 Cambridge
1900 Cambridge
1901 Oxford
1902 Cambridge
1903 Cambridge
1904 Cambridge
1905 Oxford
1906 Cambridge
1907 Cambridge
1908 Cambridge
1909 Oxford
1910 Oxford
1911 Oxford
1912 Oxford
1913 Oxford
1914 Cambridge
1920 Cambridge
1921 Cambridge
1922 Cambridge
1923 Oxford
1924 Cambridge
1925 Cambridge
1926 Cambridge
1927 Cambridge
1928 Cambridge
1929 Cambridge
1930 Cambridge
1931 Cambridge
1932 Cambridge
1933 Cambridge
1934 Cambridge
1935 Cambridge
1936 Cambridge
1937 Oxford
1938 Oxford
1939 Cambridge
1946 Oxford
1947 Cambridge
1948 Cambridge
1949 Cambridge
1950 Cambridge
1951 Cambridge
1952 Oxford
1953 Cambridge
1954 Oxford
1955 Cambridge
1956 Cambridge
1957 Cambridge
1958 Cambridge
1959 Oxford
1960 Oxford
1961 Cambridge
1962 Cambridge
1963 Oxford
1964 Cambridge
1965 Oxford
1966 Oxford
1967 Oxford
1968 Cambridge
1969 Cambridge
1970 Cambridge
1971 Cambridge
1972 Cambridge
1973 Cambridge
1974 Oxford
1975 Cambridge
1976 Oxford
1977 Oxford
1978 Oxford
1979 Oxford
1980 Oxford
1981 Oxford
1982 Oxford
1983 Oxford
1984 Oxford
1985 Oxford
1986 Cambridge
1987 Oxford
1988 Oxford
1989 Oxford
1990 Oxford
1991 Oxford
1992 Oxford
1993 Cambridge
1994 Cambridge
1995 Cambridge
1996 Cambridge
1997 Cambridge
1998 Cambridge
1999 Cambridge
2000 Oxford
2001 Cambridge
2002 Oxford
2003 Oxford
2004 Cambridge
2005 Oxford
2006 Oxford
2007 Cambridge
2008 Oxford

The counties of Wales

1. Clwyd
2. Dyfed
3. Gwent
4. Gwynedd
5. Mid Glamorgan
6. Powys
7. South Glamorgan
8. West Glamorgan

The counties of Ireland

Eire

1. Dublin
2. Wicklow
3. Wexford
4. Carlow
5. Kildare
6. Meath
7. Louth
8. Monaghan
9. Cavan
10. Longford
11. Westmeath
12. Offaly
13. Laois
14. Kilkenny
15. Waterford
16. Cork
17. Kerry
18. Limerick
19. Tipperary
20. Clare
21. Galway
22. Mayo
23. Roscommon
24. Sligo
25. Leitrim
26. Donegal

Northern Ireland

1. Fermanagh
2. Tyrone
3. Londonderry1
4. Antrim
5. Down
6. Armagh

Life's a beach

Beach hut
Beach bum
Beach house
Beach volley ball
Beach cafe
Beach ball
Beach babe
Sex on the beach
Beachcomber
Beach barbecue
Beach Melba
Each beach bear blum

Cheese

I likes it

Things you can't do

Have it both ways
Have your cake and eat it
Get blood out of a stone
Make an omelette without breaking eggs
Make a silk purse out of a sows ear
Run with the hare and hunt with the hounds
Teach an old dog new tricks
Judge a book by its cover
Shake hands with a clenched fist
Have a rainbow without rain
Fool all the people all of the time
Pick up two melons with one hand
Cheat an honest man

Crunches ... 10 different ones

Credit crunch
Oil crunch
Climate crunch
Triple crunch (combination of the above)
Energy cruch
Abdominal crunches
Nestle Crunch
Le Crunch (England v France rugby match)
Cripple crunch (crack down on abuse of blue disks)
Raspberry ripple crunch (fictional biscuit)

Things you can jump

The gun
The shark
Ship
For joy
The queue
The broomstick
Over the moon
The tracks (if you are a train, or tram)

English cocktail menu

Medicated Baileys Irish cream
Screaming baby
Grimsby sunrise
Morecambe bay surf
Road rage
Quick shag behind the wall
Knife fight in the pub car park
Deepfried Pernod and White Lightning
Shandy

Things which are for life, not just for Christmas

Dog
Murder
Scar tissue
Being disowned
Really bad grudges
Syphillis
Jesus

New age days of the week

Slothday
Workday
Beerday
Payday
Kebabday
Bed-day
Shoppingday

Fish beginning and ending with the letter 'K'

1. King Sized Haddock
2. Killer Shark
3. Kilmarnock (Plaice in Scotland)
   

Worst Earthquakes

23-01, 1556	China, Shanxi	830.000	8,0
26-12, 2004	Indonesia, Sumatra	283.106	9.0	Deaths from earthquake & tsunami.
27-07, 1976	China, Tangshan	255.000	7.5	Estimated death toll 655.000.
09-08, 1138	Syria, Aleppo	230.000	?
22-05, 1927	China, Xining	200.000	7.9	Large fractures
22-12, 1856	Iran, Damghan	200.000	?
16-12, 1920	China, Gansu	200.000	7.8	Major fractures, landslides.
23-03, 1893	Iran, Ardabil	150.000	?
01-09, 1923	Japan, Kanto	143.000	7.9	Great Tokyo fire.
05-10, 1948	USSR - Turkmenistan	110.000	7.3
28-12, 1908	Italy, Messina	70.000	7.2	Tsunami. Estimated death 100.000
?-09, 1290	China, Chihli	100.000	?
?-11, 1667	Caucasia, Shemakha	80.000	?
18-11, 1727	Iran, Tabriz	77.000	?
01-11, 1755	Portugal, Lisbon	70.000	8.7	Great tsunami.
25-12, 1932	China, Gansu	70.000	7.6
31-05, 1970	Peru	66.000	7.9	Rock slides, floods.
?- ?, 1268	Asia Minor, Silicia	60.000	?
11-01, 1693	taly, Sicily	60.000	?
30-05, 1935	Pakistan, Quetta	30.000	7.5	Estimated death toll 60.000
04-02, 1783	Italy, Calabria	50.000	?
20-06, 1990	Iran	50.000	7.7	Landslides.

Items remaining on my Christmas present list with a fair chance of not being scorned, mocked or otherwise ridiculed by my wife

Books
CDs

Items no longer appearing on my Christmas present list which were removed in anticipation of their being scorned, mocked or otherwise ridiculed etc...

Bread maker
Solar powered laptop charger
Dressing gown
Fiddle
Home brew kit
Scooter
Dog
Wireless enabled printer
Fish tank and fish
Nose hair clippers
Ukelele
Shed

Best Earthquakes

1.	May 22, 1960	Valdivia, Chile	9.5
2.	December 26, 2004	Sumatra, Indonesia	9.3
3.	October 16, 1737	Kamchatka, Russia	~9.3
3.	March 27, 1964	Prince William Sound, Alaska, USA	9.2
5.	November 4, 1952	Kamchatka, Russia	9.0
6.	January 26, 1700	Cascadia subduction zone	~9
7.	January 31, 1906	Colombia-Ecuador	8.8
8.	November 25, 1833	Sumatra, Indonesia	8.7
8.	February 4, 1965	Rat Islands, Alaska, USA	8.7
10.	November 1, 1755	Lisbon, Portugal	~8.7
11.	March 28, 2005	Sumatra, Indonesia	8.6-8.7*
12.	March 9, 1957	Andreanof Islands, Alaska, USA	8.6
12.	December 16, 1920	Ningxia-Gansu, China	8.6
12.	August 15, 1950	Assam-Tibet	8.6
15.	September 12, 2007	Sumatra, Indonesia	8.5
15.	December 16, 1575	Valdivia, Chile	8.5

War is heck ... some interesting sounding wars

Franco-Prussian
Gun
Peninsular
Civil, English
The Fronde
Peach tree
Quasi
Cold
Honey
Roses, of the
Thousand days
Ear, Jenkins
Smolensk
Snake
Opium
Zulu
Pastry
Anglo-Satsuma
Eight princes of China, of the
Three Henries, of the
Punic
Terrorism, against
6 days
Evelyn

There is more than one way to skin a cat ... 8 probably

With a sharp knife
With a flint
With nail clippers
Frighten it so that it jumps out of its skin
Pull hard
Gently ease it off
Dissolve it's insides somehow
With a dog

Some Scandinavian slash Icelandic pop slash rock slash indie acts

Sigur Ros
Gus Gus
Daniel Agust
Amiina
Björk Guðmundsdóttir
Peter Bjorn and John
The Knife
Kent

Great culinary disasters of the modern age

Lemon stink bombe - Prague 1956
Salmon drizzle cake- Paris 1941
Garlic sorbet - London 1983
Beetroot Melba - Turin 1973
Liquorice ice cream with balsamic vinegar, crushed sea salt and peppercorns - Newcastle 2003
Boil in a bag part-baked baguette - Madrid 1981
Line caught herrings stuffed with sherbert - Padstow 1997
Partridge feathers in a white wine sauce - Basingstoke 1903
Prawn, chocolate and mince flan - Dublin 1968
Pike with minty custard - Lisbon 1913
Sow's face with raisin and cabbage stuffing and grilled shire-horse fetlocks - Salzburg 1929
'English lasagne' made from alternating layers of pancakes, baked beans, Smash and Marmite - Wembley 2001

Top school puddings circa 1970

Semolina with a dollop of rice
Sago
Rice pudding with a dollop of jam
Jam sponge with custard
Ground rice with a dollop of jam
Spotted dick with white sauce
Chocolate sponge with mint sauce
Jam roly poly with custard
Ginger biscut with cream
Custard

List of salmon

Atlantic salmon
Chum salmon
King salmon
Danube salmon
Lake salmon
Pink or humbacked salmon
Silver salmon
Taimen
Sockeye salmon
Kokanee
Searunning taimen
Smoked salmon

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

1. Slip out the back
   
2. Make a new plan
3. Hop on the bus
4. Drop off the key

5-50. Unspecified

Names created using random horse name generator

http://www.ultimatehorsesite.com/info/names/generator.html

1. Zealous drizzle
2. Daughter of the Woman
3. Knee high rust
4. Borderline hero
5. Moonstone maverick
6. Spunky fury
7. Dance for Romance
8. Mighty sparrow
9. Belly dancing tangerine
10. Born for lace
11. Hoof stun
12. Legal trampoline
13. Peanut butter sniper
14. Sacred cat
15. Freak plum
    

Supplement to list of non-SI units

.. .. as opposed to what, an unarmoured Chinese tank?

And what particular model of Chinese armoured tank cos you know the new type 99 weighs 51 tonnes which is a lot more than 37 tonnes.

Maybe they mean the old type 59 which weighed 36 tonnes, possibly 37 with crew and ammunition, but they stopped making those in 1980.

If you are going to use the Chinese armoured tank to illustrate the weight of a lot of potatoes you better make damn sure you know what you're talking about and keep up to date. Don't mess with the Chinese army. One needs to employ constant vigilance to keep up with the fast moving world of Chinese armoured tank technology and whenever they bring a new one out you must go and weigh it and then revise all of your publications in which you have used the Chinese armoured tank as a non-SI unit. These things go out of date so quickly.

This whole idea of expressing the mass of a bunch of spuds in tems of Chinese armoured tanks is fraught with danger. Couldn't they just use tonnes or something?

How big is a hectare anyway, compared to, say, the wingspan of a Russian Ilyushin-76 bomber?

Artificial light sources

Light bulb
Tungsten halogen
High pressure sodium
Low pressure sodium
Fluorescent
Induction
Metal halide
Hydrargyrum quartz iodide
Mercury
LED
Glow worm's arse

Discredited theories

Communism
Capitalism
Fascism
Free trade
Flat earth
Hollow earth
Neptunism
Creationism
Gayness
God

Most Popular Pub Names

1. Crown (704)
2. Red Lion (668)
3. Royal Oak (541)
4. Swan (451)
5. White Hart (431)
6. Railway (420)
7. Plough (413)
8. White Horse (379)
9. Bell (378)
10. New Inn (372)

48 birds - genuine

1. Great tit
2. Blue tit
3. Coal tit
4. Crested tit
5. Long tailed tit
6. Marsh tit
7. Willow tit
8. Sombre tit
9. Caspian tit
10. Songar tit
11. White-browed tit
12. Pere David's tit
13. Siberian tit
14. Black breasted tit
15. Rufous vented tit
16. Spot winged tit
17. Yellow bellied tit
18. Elegant tit
19. Palawan tit
20. Grey crested tit
21. White shouldered tit
22. White winged black tit
23. White backed tit
24. Dusky tit
25. Rufous bellied tit
26. Cinnamon breasted tit
27. Red throated tit
28. Stripe breasted tit
29. Acacia tit
30. Miombo tit
31. Ashy tit
32. Southern grey tit
33. Japanese tit
34. Turkestan tit
35. Green backed tit
36. White winged tit
37. Black lored tit
38. Yellow cheeked tit
39. Yellow tit
40. White fronted tit
41. Hume's ground tit
42. Canary blue tit
43. Azure tit
44. Yellow breasted tit
45. Varied tit
46. Yellow browed tit
47. Sultan tit
48. Shag

Humorous Engineering Words

• Flange
• Shaft
• Diaphragm
  
• Ball cock
• Clappered inlet valve
• Wiggler
• Clunge spinner
  
• O-Ring
• Bell
• Grease nipple
• Discharge
• Orifice plate
• Todge noggler

20 things that grow over the years

1. debt
2. alcohol intake
3. depression
4. tie knots
5. cardigan collection
6. leaning towards Tories
7. number of enemies
8. heating bills
9. ownership of jig saw puzzles
10. number of useless household gatgets
11. garden weeds
12. repulsiveness to opposite gender
    
13. regrets
14. CD collection
15. fear
16. waistbands
17. collection of odd socks
18. ears
19. noses
20. other unmentionable extremities

Things That Definitely Get Smaller Over The Years

• Wagon Wheels
• Mars Bars
• Poppies
  
• Polar Ice Caps
• Mobile Phones
• Brains
• Rainforests
• Playground Apparatus
• Skirts
• Presents
• Days
• Grandma
  

Real Tie Knots

Four in hand
Half Windsor
Windsor
Shell knot
Double knot
Double cross knot
Bow tie knot

Pork cuts

Pork Shoulder Arm Picnic

Pork Shoulder Arm Roast

Pork Shoulder Arm Steak

Pork Shoulder Blade (Boston) Roast

Pork Shoulder Blade Steak

Pork Cubes for Kebabs

Pork Hocks

Pork Loin Blade Roast

Pork Loin Blade Chops

Pork Loin Country-Style Ribs

Pork Loin Back Ribs

Pork Loin Center Rib Roast

Pork Loin Rib Chops (Center Cut Chops)

Pork Loin Center Loin Roast

Pork Loin Top Loin Chops

Pork Loin Butterfly Chops

Pork Loin Top Loin Roast Boneless (Double)

Pork Loin Chops

Pork Loin Sirloin Roast

Pork Loin Sirloin Chops

Pork Loin Sirloin Cutlets

Pork Loin Tenderloin Whole

Pork Spareribs

Fresh Side Pork

Pork Leg (Fresh Ham) Whole

Pork Leg (Fresh Ham) Shank Portion

Smoked Pork Shoulder Picnic Whole

Smoked Pork Shoulder Roll

Smoked Pork Hocks

Smoked Pork Loin Canadian-Style Bacon

Smoked Pork Loin Rib Chops

Smoked Pork Loin Chops

Smoked Ham Whole

Smoked Ham Shank Portion

Smoked Ham Rump Portion

Smoked Ham Center Slice

Slab Bacon

Sliced Bacon

Brick nomenclature

half or bat
three-quarter closure
quarter closure
king closure
queen closure
split

20 Little known tie knots

1. Extended tickler
2. Soup dipper
3. Fishnet
4. Double decker
5. Twister
6. Tweed strangler
7. Trout
8. Half Wilson
9. Knitted
10. Inverted bootlace
11. Medium
12. Slough
13. Strap-on
14. Toilet roll
    
15. Fancy Dan
16. Nostril cleaner
17. Disposable
18. Marginal
19. Hangman's noose
20. Temporary

To Do

1. Pay phone bill
2. Wash up
3. Make bed
4. Fill car with petrol
5. Buy bread
6. Tollerate children
7. Exercise
8. Make toast
9. Upgrade memory on pc
10. Check email
11. Ironing
12. Watch Sky Sports News for a bit
13. Feed the birds
14. Watch TV
15. Call Mother
16. On-line shopping
17. Clean cat's dinner bowl
18. Sigh
    
19. Walk around the block
20. Buy wine
21. Drink wine
22. Ponder
23. Buy more wine
24. Drink more wine
25. Get a life

Top Ten Basic Boys Toys (in ascending numerical order)

1. Football
   
2. Penknife
3. Catapult
   
4. Stick
5. Stone
6. Piece of string with a sharp edge
   
7. Matches
   
8. Marbles
9. Conker
10. Spider
11. Ants
12. Dirt
    

Fireworks

1. Sparkler
2. Catherine wheel
3. Rocket
4. Roman candle
5. Banger
6. reloadable aerial shells
7. single-shot aerial tubes
8. ground spinners
9. pinwheels
10. cake
11. crackers
12. mine
13. black snake
14. Tom Thums (South Africa)
15. Three pronged attack
16. Black widow (waterproof!)
    
17. Supernova
    
18. helicopters
19. hot kebab
20. green gob
    
21. Golden shower
22. Blue baboon
23. Geordie trumpet

14 Trousers

1. Long
2. Short
3. Baggy
4. Jeans
5. Chinos
6. Oxford bags
7. Breeches
8. Lederhosen
9. Tracht
10. Combat
11. Cycling shorts
12. Umanori hakama
13. The Wrong
14. Exploding

Top Hats

• Top Hat
• Bowler Hat
• Trilby Hat
• Stetson
• Panama Hat
• Sombrero
• Australian Hat with Corks on
• Old Hat
• Woolly Hat
• Bucket Hat
• Muskrat

Top 10 Sandwich fillings

1. Coronation Chicken
2. Tuna Mayo
3. Chips
4. Jam
5. Cheese & Pickle
6. Sausage
7. Chorizo, Cheese & Mayo
8. BLT
9. BL
10. B

Top Ten Cakes

1. Battenburg
2. Victoria Sponge
3. Crumble
4. Chocolate based cakes
5. Carrot cake
   
6. Cheesecake (Must have biscuit base) (double points for fruit topping)
7. Black forest gateux
8. Spotted dick (easy on the spots)
9. Pancake
   
10. Fruit Cake
    

iPod, iShuffle, iTunes, iPhone .. what next for apple?

iToaster
iSpend
iAK45
iPiss
iIllegallydownload
iPlasticbag
iPrunes
iDon'twork
iComb
iCake
iBun
iTrousers
iShades (not a bad iDea)

What have they all got in common?

Stilian Petrov
Aston Villa

Anthony Gardner
Tottenham

David Murphy
Birmingham

Steven Taylor
Newcastle

Luke Moore
Aston Villa

Zatyiah Knight
Aston Villa

Ben Hutchinson
Middlesbrough

Joey Barton
Newcastle

Dickson Etuhu
Sunderland

Bobby Zamora
West Ham

Abou Diaby
Arsenal

Dwight Yorke
Sunderland

Stern John
Sunderland

Ashley Cole
Chelsea

Javier Mascherano
Liverpool

Steve Howard
Derby

Rade Prica
Sunderland

Giles Barnes
Derby

Phil Jagielka
Everton

Joseph Yobo
Everton

Brett Emerton
Blackburn

Fabio Aurelio
Liverpool

Emre Belözoglu
Newcastle

Nedum Onuoha
Manchester City

Lee Carsley
Birmingham

Dean Whitehead
Sunderland

Nemanja Vidic
Manchester United

Abdoulaye Diagne-Faye
Newcastle

Leroy Lita
Reading

Carlos Bocanegra
Fulham

Gilberto
Tottenham

Anthony Stokes
Sunderland

Liam Ridgewell
Birmingham

Victor Anichebe
Everton

George Boateng
Middlesbrough

Marlon King
Wigan

Kelvin Etuhu
Manchester City

David Dunn
Blackburn

Noe Pamarot
Portsmouth

Gilberto Silva
Arsenal

Claudio Cacapa
Newcastle

Marek Matejovsky
Reading

Ivan Campo
Bolton

Lewin Nyatanga
Derby

Andy Reid
Sunderland

Scott Parker
West Ham

Lee Cattermole
Middlesbrough

Wilfred Bouma
Aston Villa

Gavin McCann
Bolton

Kalifa Ciss
Reading

Liam Miller
Sunderland

Ji-Sung Park
Manchester United

Glen Johnson
Portsmouth

Fabio Rochemback
Middlesbrough

Daniel Omoya Braaten
Bolton

Freddie Sears
West Ham

Habib Beye
Newcastle

Robert Huth
Middlesbrough

Danny Collins
Sunderland

Jonathan Woodgate
Tottenham

Chris Riggott
Middlesbrough

Hameur Bouazza
Fulham

Sami HyypiÃ
Liverpool

Mikel Arteta
Everton

Sol Campbell
Portsmouth

Jamie O'Hara
Tottenham

Luke Young
Middlesbrough

Kevin Kilbane
Wigan

Jason Koumas
Wigan

Michael Dawson
Tottenham

Alan Stubbs
Derby

Curtis Davies
Aston Villa

David Jones
Derby

Bacary Sagna
Arsenal

Tyrone Mears
Derby

Mohamed Lamine Sissoko
Liverpool

Paul Scholes
Manchester United

Adam Johnson
Middlesbrough

Gary Speed
Bolton

John Terry
Chelsea

George McCartney
West Ham

Daniel Sturridge
Manchester City

Ricardo Carvalho
Chelsea

Lassana Diarra
Portsmouth

Robert Earnshaw
Derby

Matthew Upson
West Ham

Tamir Cohen
Bolton

Stephen Warnock
Blackburn

Wes Brown
Manchester United

James Vaughan
Everton

Andy Todd
Derby

G'days....

1. Birthday
2. Pancake Day
3. Christmas Day
4. Holiday
5. Independance Day (the film)
6. Saturday
7. Friday
8. Mid-Day
9. National speak like a pirate day
10. Joke of the day
11. Darren Day
12. Faraday
13. Wackaday

The Brown Foods Group

Nutritionists advise us to have a balanced diet, to avoid too much of one thing. A handy rule of thumb is to eat 5 fruits a day, 5 types of pudding and 5 brown foods a day. Stick to a packet of winegums, a whole battenburg cake and 5 or more of the following brown foods every day and you'll be fine:

Bread
Pastry
Sausage rolls
Pies
Cheese
Biscuits
Potatoes in all their various forms, including Smash
Toast
Croissants
Muffins
Cake (Don't worry, a brown pudding does not count twice)
Dumplings
Curry
Kebab
Chocolate
Peanut butter
Nuts
Marmite
Nutella
Meat - all forms
Crisps
Scones
Tea cakes
Beer

Note: brown vegetables (parsnips, turnips, swede) are technically not part of the brown foods group, they are officially classified as sort of yellowish.

17 things to do before you die

1. feel unwell
2. feel worse
3. feel really really bad
4. suffer searing pain in chest
5. clutch heart
6. heart stops
7. panic
8. take terminal breath
9. evacuate bowels
10. brain starts to die
11. see welcoming white light
12. see self as if floating above
13. smile blissfully
14. brain dies
15. welcoming white light fades to black
16. experience immense disappointment
17. not smiling any more

Top Ten Playground Games

1. Conkers
2. Bulldog
3. Marbles
4. Football (with a tennis ball)
5. Tag
6. Pogs
7. Stuck in the Mud
8. Hopskotch
9. Skidding
10. Army

Pimp my..

lawnmower
wheelchair
comode
palimpsest
toaster
archimedes screw
kumquat
herb garden
anglepoise
illuminated manuscript
prostitute

Truth and Lies

1. You are my honey, honeysuckle.
2. I am the bee.
3. I am the egg man.
4. I shot the sherrif.
5. I did not shoot no deputy.
6. I come from a land down under.
7. I love the sound of breaking glass.
8. There are two men in my life.
9. Baby I was born to run.
10. Girls just wanna have fun.
11. She loves you
12. I got you (I feel good)
13. You can't always get what you want.
    

Only 5 and 13 are true

List of days on which I will not be posting any lists due to holiday

25th October 2008
26th October 2008
27th October 2008
28th October 2008
29th October 2008
30th October 2008
31st October 2008
Possibly 1st November 2008 depending on what time I get back home

Failed Friendships and Reasons For Failure

Chris B - drunkenness (mine)
Brian G - lost touch
Steve G - apathy
Al - holiday
Jon - uninvited sexual advances
Frazer - avoidance (his)
Graham - apathy
Bren - apathy
Pal - avoidance (mine)
Chris S - apathy
Alan M - apathy
B - unreconcilable musical differences
Lee - apathy

Top Ten Garden Tools

1. Chainsaw
2. Axe
3. Strimmer
4. Hoe
5. Rake
6. Lawnmower
7. Fork
8. Spade
9. Shovel
10. Shears
    
11. Trowel
    

Musical Instruments I Don't Play Anymore and the Reasons Why I Don't Play Them Anymore

Piano - too hard
Mouth Organ - too small
Penny whistle - too fiddly
Cello - too big
Tambourine - too gay
Keyboard - too many fun noises
Bottle xylophone - evaporation
Trumpet - at neighbour's request
Electric guitar - at wife's request
Trombone - burst lung

Top Ten Excuses

1. Dog ate it
2. Alarm didn't go off
3. Leaves on the track
4. Stuck in traffic
5. Credit crunch
6. Snowed in
7. Cat was sick on it
8. Family Problems
9. Womens problems(Beyond the scope of this blog)
   
10. Incontinence
    

Cool Vid - not a list

Chess

World's Best Mug Slogans

World's best Mum
World's best Dad
World's best Brother
World's best Sister
World's best Grandmother
World's best Grandfather
World's best Step Brother
World's best Dad's New Partner
World's best 'Uncle'
World's best Mum's Current Boyfriend
World's best Fosterparent
World's best Social Worker
World's best Arresting Officer
World's best Defence Lawyer
World's best Prison Visitor
World's best Probation Officer

Non SI Units - Supplement

There is of course a tendency in the media to describe large areas in terms of Belgium or Wales as in, 'An area half the size of Belgium is deforested each year', or 'An area the size of Wales was recently under water in last week's floods in err Wales.'

Top Ten Non-SI Units

1. Double Decker Buses
2. Eiffel Towers
3. Empire State Buildings
4. Football pitches (real football)
   
5. Blue whales
6. Times round The Earth
7. Olympic swimming pools
8. The Sun
9. Distance to the moon
10. Domestic light bulbs
    

CDs

File ref	Artist	Album
89	AfroCelt Sound System	Further In time
326	albinoni	adagio
A19	Amiina	Kurr
145	anthology of english folk	cd1
147	anthology of english folk	cd2
A9	Arcade fire	Neon Bible
281	armstrong gibbs	dale and fell
307	armstrong gibbs	songs
260	athlete	beautiful (single)
35	Athlete	Tourist
57	Athlete	Vehicles and Animals
12	Athlete	Vehicles and Animals DVD
217	athlete	you got the style
233	baby bird	ugly beautiful
317	bach	brandenberg concertos
207	Badly Drawn Boy	have you fed the fish?
123	Badly Drawn Boy	Once Around The Block (Single)
365	bat for lashes	fur and gold
255	beck	odelay
168	bessy smith	the essential cd1
169	bessy smith	the essential cd2
338	billie holliday	lady in satin
336	billie holliday	lover man
239	bix beiderbecke	collection
A5	Bizet	Carmen
5	Bjork	Debut
25	Bjork	Homogenic
39	Bjork	Medulla
285	Bjork	post
A35	Bjork	Volta
183	blue	one love
244	blur	country house (single)
27	Blur	Leisure
265	blur	parklife
37	Blur	The Great Escape
273	blur	think tank
323	britten	st nicholas
387	Britten	Turn of the screw
193	busted	a present for everyone
209	byrd	Masses for 4 and 5 voices
95	Cahornega	Cahhornega
220	cd review 1992	pick of the year
373	charlotte gainsbourg	05:55
219	chill compilation	chill compilation
218	christina aguilera	can't hold us down
23	Coldplay	A rush of blood to the head
7	Coldplay	Parachutes
155	crosby / sinatra	christmas
71	Dandy Warhols	13 Tales
54	Daniel Agust	Swallowed A Star
a71	debussy	l'oeuvre pour piano cd1
a75	debussy	l'oeuvre pour piano cds 2 & 3
a73	debussy	l'oeuvre pour piano cds 4 & 5
A23	Delius	On hearing the first cuckoo in spring
375	devendra banhart	cripple crow
349	dido	life for rent
125	Die Arzte	Gerausch CD1
127	Die Arzte	Gerausch CD2
105	Dirty Pretty Things	Waterloo to anywhere
251	dodgy	free peace sweet
249	dodgy	homegrown
65	Doves	The Last Broadcast
316	dvorak	golden spinning wheel
318	dvorak	piano concerto 33
185	dvorak	string serenade
225	echobelly	everyones got one
173	echobelly	on
241	elastica	elastica
a49	elgar	cello concerto, sea pictures
41	Eliza Carthy	Anglicana
75	Eliza Carthy	Definitive Collection
31	Eliza Carthy	Rough Music
224	ella fitzgerald	30 by ella
199	ella fitzgerald	gold cd1
200	ella fitzgerald	gold cd2
333	ella fitzgerald	gold collection cd1
334	ella fitzgerald	gold collection cd2
335	ella fitzgerald	jerome kern song book
182	ella fitzgerald	the best of the songbooks
73	Emma Kirkby	Time Stands Still
a69	emma pollack	watch the fireworks
152	faure	nocturnes
319	faure	quartet
299	faure	requiem
247	fountains of wayne	welcome interstate managers
33	Franz Ferdinand	Franz Ferdinand
295	garbage	garbage
175	giuliani	guitar concertos
21	Goldfrapp	Black Cherry
121	Goldfrapp	Felt Mountain
133	Goldfrapp	Supernature
267	gomez	liquid skin
A15	Gus Gus	Forever
331	handel	messiah cd1
332	handel	messiah cd2
171	hans rott	symphony in E maj
139	hayseed dixie	a hillbilly tribute to ac dc
350	humperdinck	hansel and gretel cd1
359	humperdinck	hansel and gretel cd2
3	Ian Brown	Music of the spheres
165	iarla o lionaird	invisible fields
261	idlewild	the remote part
345	idlewild	warnings promises
211	jennifer lopez	jenny from the block
371	joanna newsom	the milk eyed mender
367	joanna newsom	ys
101	John Lee Hooker	Trouble Blues
A1	Josh Groban	awake
43	Kaiser Chiefs	Employment
272	karine polwart	faultlines
163	karine polwart	scribbled in chalk
93	Kasabian	Empire
303	kate bush	the red shoes
47	Kate Rusby	10
381	Kate Rusby	Awkward Annie
49	Kate Rusby	Hourglass
135	Kate Rusby	Little lights
129	Kate Rusby	Sleepless
51	Kate Rusby	The Girl Who Couldn't Fly
59	Kate Rusby	Underneath The Stars
263	keane	hope and fears
353	kenna	new sacred cow
A41	kent	du & jag döden
A17	Kent	Hagnesta Hill
A13	Kent	Isola
a61	kent	tillbaka till samtiden
A29	Kent	Vapen and ammunition
379	Kent	Verkligen
111	Kings of Leon	Youth and Young Manhood
99	Kinky Friedman	From One Good American to Another
293	kula shaker	kula shaker
340	lalo	symphonie espagnole
A45	lavender diamond	imagine our love
63	Led Zeppelin	III
69	Led Zeppelin	IV
275	Led Zeppelin	prescence
291	lightning seeds	dizzy heights
223	little walter	blues with a feeling
327	lloyd webber	joseph
144	louis armstrong	I've got rhythm
151	louis jordan	jump jive
243	madonna	american life
13	Mahler	Symphony No. 5
357	maroon 5	songs about jane
A37	maroon 5	songs about jane
A47	maximo park	a certain trigger
A21	Maximo Park	Our earthly pleasures
192	mcfly	room on the 3rd floor
253	mercury rev	all is dream
313	mercury rev	secret migration
181	michael keen	Duo pastoral (recorder)
259	moby	18
245	moby	play
389	mozart	Marriage of Figaro
322	mozart	requiem
156	mozart	symphony 40 etc
154	mozart	symphony 41
228	mozart	symphony no. 40
a55	mozart	violin concertos cd1
a57	mozart	violin concertos cd2
377	nathan fake	drowning in a sea of love
355	Nightmares on wax	car boot soul
117	Nightmares on wax	In a space Outta soul
157	NOW 44	NOW 44
191	now 53	cd1
187	now 64	cd1
188	now 64	cd2
103	Oasis	Definitely maybe
102	Oasis	Roll with it
A33	oklahoma	sound track
124	Padraig Carroll	The Irish Mandolin (Tutor CD)
339	palestrina	mass
202	palestrina	missa aeterna christi munera
201	palestrina	missa papae marcelle
347	paolo nutini	these streets
186	part	arbos
341	part	BACH
212	passamezzo	galimaufry
342	pergolesi	stabat mater
A27	Peter bjorn and john	Falling out
A11	Peter bjorn and john	Peter Bjorn and John
A7	Peter bjorn and john	Writer's Block
77	Pink Floyd	Animals
287	Pink Floyd	dark side of the moon
283	Pink Floyd	saucer full of secrets
79	Pink Floyd	Wish You Were Here
337	porgy and bess	porgy and bess
305	portishead	dummy
329	pulp	common people
320	purcell	birthday odes for queen mary
324	purcell	didp and anaeus
210	purcell	olinda
179	purcell (kirkby)	music for awhile
227	rachmaninov	piano concerto 2 and 3
271	radiohead	hail to the thief
246	radiohead	just (single)
131	Radiohead	Kid A
29	Radiohead	Pablo Honey
1	Radiohead	The bends
61	Ray Lamontagne	Trouble
297	rem	automatic for the people
279	rem	document
215	rem	green
203	rem	life's rich pageant
205	rem	monster
213	rem	murmur
311	rem	reckoning
301	rem	the best of
17	Roddy Woomble	My Secret Is my Silence
a59	russell watson	outside in
a51	schubert	ave maria - songs
143	schubert	die sonne mullesien
A31	schubert	lieder
363	scissor sisters	scissor sisters
a63	scraping foetus off the wheel	hole
a65	scraping foetus off the wheel	nail
159	seal	seal
369	seth lakeman	freedom fields
19	Sheryl Crow	C'mon, c'mon
149	show of hands	country life cd
150	show of hands	country life promo
55	Sigur Ros	( )
53	Sigur Ros	Takk
170	simon mayor	mandolin tutor
343	sinead o connor	am I not your girl?
330	six pence none the richer	kiss me
257	snow patrol	eyes open
a67	sol seppy	psssscheoow
361	sol seppy	the bells of 1 2
328	sonny boy williamson	9 below 0
315	Sor	Guitar favourites
235	starsailor	silence is easy
158	steps	steps
153	stern's african moves	vol 2
325	sting	dream of blu turtles
85	Stravinsky	The Rite Of Spring / Firebird
189	sugarbabes	angels with dirty faces
167	sugarbabes	three
289	supergrass	I should coco
177	supergrass	in it for the money
97	Tallis	Lamentations of Jeremiah
96	Tallis	Spem In Alium
91	Tchaikovsky	Symphony 6
a77	tchaikovsky	symphony 6 + eugene oneguine
a53	tchaikovsky	violin concerto
137	Tears for fears	the hurting
195	the big session	vol 1
113	The chillout sessions	CD1
115	The chillout sessions	CD2
141	the cranberries	everybody else is doing it so why can't we?
383	The Fray	How to save a life
119	The Killers	Sam's Town
9	The Knife	Deep Cuts
11	The Knife	Deep Cuts DVD
83	The Knife	Silent Shout
15	The Knife	The Knife
351	the kooks	inside out
197	the libertines	the libertines
229	the police	regatta de blanc
67	The Strokes	Is this it
277	the thrills	so much for the city
107	The very best of pure hip hop	CD1
109	The very best of pure hip hop	CD2
81	The White Stripes	Elephant
237	the who	best of
221	tracy chapman	collection
269	travis	the man who
45	Turin Brakes	jack In a Box
87	U2	Achtung Baby
92	Various	Blues Collection
190	Various	christmas
385	Various (Mojo)	In search of Syd
A3	Various (Previn)	Klassic fur kinder
A39	Various Artist	Unforgettable love songs
161	vashti bunyan	just another diamond day
176	vaughan williams	a sea symphony (no. 1)
A25	vaughan williams	Fantasia on a theme by thomas tallis
344	verdi	favourites
321	wagner	various
231	walton	belshazzar's feast
309	yann tiersen	amelie