Loads o' Lists: November 2008

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Life's a beach

Beach hut
Beach bum
Beach house
Beach volley ball
Beach cafe
Beach ball
Beach babe
Sex on the beach
Beachcomber
Beach barbecue
Beach Melba
Each beach bear blum

Friday, November 28, 2008

Have it both ways
Have your cake and eat it
Get blood out of a stone
Make an omelette without breaking eggs
Make a silk purse out of a sows ear
Run with the hare and hunt with the hounds
Teach an old dog new tricks
Judge a book by its cover
Shake hands with a clenched fist
Have a rainbow without rain
Fool all the people all of the time
Pick up two melons with one hand
Cheat an honest man

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Crunches ... 10 different ones

Credit crunch
Oil crunch
Climate crunch
Triple crunch (combination of the above)
Energy cruch
Abdominal crunches
Nestle Crunch
Le Crunch (England v France rugby match)
Cripple crunch (crack down on abuse of blue disks)
Raspberry ripple crunch (fictional biscuit)

Things you can jump

The gun
The shark
Ship
For joy
The queue
The broomstick
Over the moon
The tracks (if you are a train, or tram)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

English cocktail menu

Medicated Baileys Irish cream
Screaming baby
Grimsby sunrise
Morecambe bay surf
Road rage
Quick shag behind the wall
Knife fight in the pub car park
Deepfried Pernod and White Lightning
Shandy

Friday, November 21, 2008

Things which are for life, not just for Christmas

Dog
Murder
Scar tissue
Being disowned
Really bad grudges
Syphillis
Jesus

New age days of the week

Slothday
Workday
Beerday
Payday
Kebabday
Bed-day
Shoppingday

Fish beginning and ending with the letter 'K'

King Sized Haddock
Killer Shark
Kilmarnock (Plaice in Scotland)

Worst Earthquakes

23-01, 1556	China, Shanxi	830.000	8,0
26-12, 2004	Indonesia, Sumatra	283.106	9.0	Deaths from earthquake & tsunami.
27-07, 1976	China, Tangshan	255.000	7.5	Estimated death toll 655.000.
09-08, 1138	Syria, Aleppo	230.000	?
22-05, 1927	China, Xining	200.000	7.9	Large fractures
22-12, 1856	Iran, Damghan	200.000	?
16-12, 1920	China, Gansu	200.000	7.8	Major fractures, landslides.
23-03, 1893	Iran, Ardabil	150.000	?
01-09, 1923	Japan, Kanto	143.000	7.9	Great Tokyo fire.
05-10, 1948	USSR - Turkmenistan	110.000	7.3
28-12, 1908	Italy, Messina	70.000	7.2	Tsunami. Estimated death 100.000
?-09, 1290	China, Chihli	100.000	?
?-11, 1667	Caucasia, Shemakha	80.000	?
18-11, 1727	Iran, Tabriz	77.000	?
01-11, 1755	Portugal, Lisbon	70.000	8.7	Great tsunami.
25-12, 1932	China, Gansu	70.000	7.6
31-05, 1970	Peru	66.000	7.9	Rock slides, floods.
?- ?, 1268	Asia Minor, Silicia	60.000	?
11-01, 1693	taly, Sicily	60.000	?
30-05, 1935	Pakistan, Quetta	30.000	7.5	Estimated death toll 60.000
04-02, 1783	Italy, Calabria	50.000	?
20-06, 1990	Iran	50.000	7.7	Landslides.

Items remaining on my Christmas present list with a fair chance of not being scorned, mocked or otherwise ridiculed by my wife

Books
CDs

Items no longer appearing on my Christmas present list which were removed in anticipation of their being scorned, mocked or otherwise ridiculed etc...

Bread maker
Solar powered laptop charger
Dressing gown
Fiddle
Home brew kit
Scooter
Dog
Wireless enabled printer
Fish tank and fish
Nose hair clippers
Ukelele
Shed

Best Earthquakes

1.	May 22, 1960	Valdivia, Chile	9.5
2.	December 26, 2004	Sumatra, Indonesia	9.3
3.	October 16, 1737	Kamchatka, Russia	~9.3
3.	March 27, 1964	Prince William Sound, Alaska, USA	9.2
5.	November 4, 1952	Kamchatka, Russia	9.0
6.	January 26, 1700	Cascadia subduction zone	~9
7.	January 31, 1906	Colombia-Ecuador	8.8
8.	November 25, 1833	Sumatra, Indonesia	8.7
8.	February 4, 1965	Rat Islands, Alaska, USA	8.7
10.	November 1, 1755	Lisbon, Portugal	~8.7
11.	March 28, 2005	Sumatra, Indonesia	8.6-8.7*
12.	March 9, 1957	Andreanof Islands, Alaska, USA	8.6
12.	December 16, 1920	Ningxia-Gansu, China	8.6
12.	August 15, 1950	Assam-Tibet	8.6
15.	September 12, 2007	Sumatra, Indonesia	8.5
15.	December 16, 1575	Valdivia, Chile	8.5

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

War is heck ... some interesting sounding wars

Franco-Prussian
Gun
Peninsular
Civil, English
The Fronde
Peach tree
Quasi
Cold
Honey
Roses, of the
Thousand days
Ear, Jenkins
Smolensk
Snake
Opium
Zulu
Pastry
Anglo-Satsuma
Eight princes of China, of the
Three Henries, of the
Punic
Terrorism, against
6 days
Evelyn

There is more than one way to skin a cat ... 8 probably

With a sharp knife
With a flint
With nail clippers
Frighten it so that it jumps out of its skin
Pull hard
Gently ease it off
Dissolve it's insides somehow
With a dog

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Some Scandinavian slash Icelandic pop slash rock slash indie acts

Sigur Ros
Gus Gus
Daniel Agust
Amiina
Björk Guðmundsdóttir
Peter Bjorn and John
The Knife
Kent

Great culinary disasters of the modern age

Lemon stink bombe - Prague 1956
Salmon drizzle cake- Paris 1941
Garlic sorbet - London 1983
Beetroot Melba - Turin 1973
Liquorice ice cream with balsamic vinegar, crushed sea salt and peppercorns - Newcastle 2003
Boil in a bag part-baked baguette - Madrid 1981
Line caught herrings stuffed with sherbert - Padstow 1997
Partridge feathers in a white wine sauce - Basingstoke 1903
Prawn, chocolate and mince flan - Dublin 1968
Pike with minty custard - Lisbon 1913
Sow's face with raisin and cabbage stuffing and grilled shire-horse fetlocks - Salzburg 1929
'English lasagne' made from alternating layers of pancakes, baked beans, Smash and Marmite - Wembley 2001

Monday, November 17, 2008

Top school puddings circa 1970

Semolina with a dollop of rice
Sago
Rice pudding with a dollop of jam
Jam sponge with custard
Ground rice with a dollop of jam
Spotted dick with white sauce
Chocolate sponge with mint sauce
Jam roly poly with custard
Ginger biscut with cream
Custard

Saturday, November 15, 2008

List of salmon

Atlantic salmon
Chum salmon
King salmon
Danube salmon
Lake salmon
Pink or humbacked salmon
Silver salmon
Taimen
Sockeye salmon
Kokanee
Searunning taimen
Smoked salmon

Thursday, November 13, 2008

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Slip out the back
Make a new plan
Hop on the bus
Drop off the key

5-50. Unspecified

Names created using random horse name generator

http://www.ultimatehorsesite.com/info/names/generator.html

Zealous drizzle
Daughter of the Woman
Knee high rust
Borderline hero
Moonstone maverick
Spunky fury
Dance for Romance
Mighty sparrow
Belly dancing tangerine
Born for lace
Hoof stun
Legal trampoline
Peanut butter sniper
Sacred cat
Freak plum

Supplement to list of non-SI units

.. .. as opposed to what, an unarmoured Chinese tank?

And what particular model of Chinese armoured tank cos you know the new type 99 weighs 51 tonnes which is a lot more than 37 tonnes.

Maybe they mean the old type 59 which weighed 36 tonnes, possibly 37 with crew and ammunition, but they stopped making those in 1980.

If you are going to use the Chinese armoured tank to illustrate the weight of a lot of potatoes you better make damn sure you know what you're talking about and keep up to date. Don't mess with the Chinese army. One needs to employ constant vigilance to keep up with the fast moving world of Chinese armoured tank technology and whenever they bring a new one out you must go and weigh it and then revise all of your publications in which you have used the Chinese armoured tank as a non-SI unit. These things go out of date so quickly.

This whole idea of expressing the mass of a bunch of spuds in tems of Chinese armoured tanks is fraught with danger. Couldn't they just use tonnes or something?

How big is a hectare anyway, compared to, say, the wingspan of a Russian Ilyushin-76 bomber?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Artificial light sources

Light bulb
Tungsten halogen
High pressure sodium
Low pressure sodium
Fluorescent
Induction
Metal halide
Hydrargyrum quartz iodide
Mercury
LED
Glow worm's arse